You Just Never Know...
by Robin Forbes
Recently a friend of mine was up from Seattle visiting my partner and I. His visit got me to thinking about how incredibly different our lives would be if a number of things hadn't happened about four years ago.*
What were those incredible life changing things?
A little over four years ago, I was a closeted gay man who was afraid of his own gay shadow for the most part. I had also just ended a long distance relationship with a guy in the American mid-west.
For a month or so I was despondent. Where to go from here? Was I really gay? Would I ever find the right man? How many more secret short term relationships would I have before I found someone that I could share my life with? It was a real soul searching time for me.
One night, I'd had just enough mopping around from myself. No more! I was indeed gay and I was going to get myself a decent man once and for all because I deserve a little happiness too!
I was a Fag on a mission! I went to one of the gay search engines to find out where the gay matchmaking sites were at and clicked on the first banner ad that I came across.
I did a quick search on the dating site - I immediately knew that yes, this was the place that I had to join and this was where I was going to meet my future companion. That was an odd but happy feeling. The other thought that was racing through my mind at that point was - so many gay men in one cyberspace!
It was sensory overload, but I had a job to do. If you've tried out a few of the matchmaking places on the web, you'll know that when you sign up there's a rather long form to fill out. So, I set to it (more details about this fun adventure in a future issue).
Skip forward a few weeks later... I had indeed met a number of men, conversed with some and even went out with a couple of them. But, so far I hadn't found the one that I was looking for.
And then one day, a gentleman from Seattle e-mailed me. Basically he said that he was cruising through the personal ads and came across mine. Based on what I had written, I really should contact this photographer friend of his who happened to live in the same city as I did.
So, I phoned and got together for coffee with this wonderful and reluctant man... A few weeks later he asked me to move in. And so I said yes, and I moved in with my new found love. Yes, it was a quick decision on our part!
Four years later, we're still together. No it hasn't been smooth sailing all the way. Forget the fairy tales, relationships require a bit of work and a ton of compromises.
Four years later, I'm "Out". Yes, those are my photos plastered all over my website. Yes, my mom and dad know. And yes, the strange man who goes to all of the family holidays and parties with me is not "just a friend" - we're partners.
Four years later, I've met all kinds of really neat people that I wouldn't have otherwise.
Four years later, I've created several websites that are doing pretty good and I've quit my old job.
And it all came about because one night I decided that I was worth it. You never know just what will happen unless you take the first step...
Wishing you joy and success in your online matchmaking experiences.
* Note: At the time when I wrote this article it was indeed 4 years ago -- it's now 9 years later and my partner and I are still together.
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