Thinking Outside The Pink Triangle And Dating Older Gay Men
by Robin Forbes
I was reading an article recently that had short quips from experts who said that dating and getting laid by someone younger than you, or vice-versa is a good idea.
But getting into a long-term relationship where one of the partners was older wasn't such a good idea they claimed. After all, "who wanted to look at a sagging, wrinkly person" one expert quipped.
It was an amazing statement because is assumed all sorts of negative and incorrect assumptions. For starters, it assumed that said person was older and not sagging or wrinkly yet. It also assumed that once a person hits a certain age or once a person starts loosing their youthful appearance, that sex, love and even friendship are no longer possible or desirable.
Say what - Since When!?
Before I go any further, I'll mention that this "expert" is a heterosexual woman. However, those ideas and statements could have been made by anyone of any sexual orientation.
I'd like to say that we've gotten beyond all that in this day and age, but no, ageism is alive and well.
Some people think of me as a "Silver Fox Chaser" - I'm not. Some guys are and that's cool if that's what turns you on.
However, I've discovered that when it comes to sex, dating and steady relationships, I tend to prefer older men.
What the heck is an "older man" anyway? On some of my past dates I've been the older guy. As for me, "older men" is loosely defined as anyone older than me by at least five years.
When I was younger and in the closet I had this strange little tug-o-war going on with myself about what types of men I was attracted to (and which types I thought I was attracted to), as well as which types of men I actually went out with and had sex with.
It was strange, but the condensed version of this epic time, is that I would always fantasize about and invariably go out with "older gay men".
Given my tastes, you would think that when I got around to signing up for online personals, I would immediately do the right thing and start looking for an older man. Nope. No, I was still stuck in a narrowly defined pink triangle for all intents and purposes.
I started my gay personals ad quest, looking for "straight acting guys", the same build as me, maybe one or two years younger or older than me, but preferably the same age, etc...I think I was looking for a clone.
I've mentioned before that I had a fateful night, where I got serious about my personals listings and made a detailed and concentrated effort. But the thing that I usually omit to say, is that was also the night when I made a significant change in my attitude towards the type of men I would consider, go out with and even eventually settle down with.
I decided that there was no room for trying to look for a single type of gay man. It was a fruitless endeavor, every which way. There are many types of gay men out there, so I needed to accept that and seek those different and older men out. I needed to quit confining and limiting my search.
Once I made that change in thinking and attitude, I started to enjoy being a gay man and I started to enjoy, finding or being found by older gay men, many who where so not like myself.
As for long-term relationships - my partner Ian is about twenty-two years older than me and we've been together for nine years now.
I won't say it's all been a jolly holiday, there isn't and there has never been a relationship in the world's history that hasn't had its moments. But I will say that is definitely possible and desirable to be hitched with an older partner. I wouldn't trade it for anything.
The bottom line on dating and attraction is, only you know what types of guys get you hot and interested. However, until you start thinking outside a narrowly defined pink triangle you won't truly know if you're missing out on a great relationship.
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